(Not So) Goodbyes by Karizma Ahmed

In case I couldn't before,

my goodbyes sound like silence

my absence reverberating

blistering with memories of what were

and sighing for what could have been

you wouldn't notice me slither

stealthily down your callous hands

panicked, perhaps precipitous

you reach out to tighten the slippery grip,

to find none but your own fingers

curled, clutched in an empty fist

Because,

in case I couldn't before

my goodbyes sound a lot like defeat,

from failed attempts at reconciliation

one followed by another.

With conversations receding and

company bereft of warmth;

does the loss of a loved one materialise

I see your once familiar face

searching for the smiles

crinkle of your eye, the curve of your jaw

but the harder, and better I look

A stranger Metamorphosize. 

Because, my goodbyes

sound like distance; echoes from afar.

---

“ It is one of those pieces which once written immediately dissatisfied me. It was obvious I didn't like but I couldn't change it. I tried moulding the words and the metaphors and yet, I couldn't. I was just stuck. I made peace then this was going be one of my mediocre pieces. The kind that you wrote just for sake of it and never look at it again. My goodbyes to this poem, much like in the poem, reads like distance. Detached and deep, it's a piece I've grown to like for the bitter-sweet emotions attached to it.”

Karizma is a second-year English major at Miranda House. Melancholic with a tinge of humor, she goes through her life in ephemeral moments of euphemistic passivity. Naturally exhausted and perpetually overworked, she struggles to strike a balance between ambition and availability. She survives life with good music and trashy rom-coms.