Have Mercy by Stacia Laroche
I can hear the engine of my old Mercedes Benz roaring as I drive down the small town streets that I’ve walked my whole life. I used to ride down them on my razor scooter after school to buy Pop Rocks and Big League chew at the community store on the corner. It seems like they’ve become candies of the past and I’m sure that scooter is rusting away in someone else’s backyard even though it could’ve been in mine still. Not that I’d use it. That’s the thing about life, we always have to let go when we don’t want to. Especially when your parents say a tiny scooter is taking up too much space in their garage.
As I continue down the road, I take note of the blue sky. It’s the kind of blue that quietly tells you that summer is fading. I don’t mind it. To me, leaves look more alive in the fall even though they’re closer to the end. Maybe that’s how people who’ve lived a life knowing they found their purpose feel when they’re at the end. I wonder if I will cross paths with mine as I take in the unwelcomed aroma of sunscreen and sweat coming from my clothes as the air conditioner blows it around. Gotta love working with kids.
I grow tired of the silence and turn on the radio. I surf through the channels in search of Rock n’Roll. Lately, I prefer old music over new. New music makes everything in the world real. All of the issues. Sometimes, it’s best to hang out in the past when you need a break from the present. Even a past where you weren’t even a thought in your parent's head.
I end my search for the perfect song to cruise along to in my car when I hear Billy Joel singing Anthony’s Song. I’m twenty-six and it seems like I’m a lifetime away from moving out. That’s what happens when you take two years out of your life to serve your country. I didn’t make a lot of money in AmeriCorps or FEMACorps, but I like to think that I did spread a lot of love and positivity. Even got deployed to Guam to respond to Typhoon Mawar.
It was hard to leave it all behind, even the uniform that I was sick of by the end. I had to walk away from friends who had become family and the thought in my head that I might never see them again. Damn, it hurt and it still does. I try to remind myself that just because you’re no longer able to see someone you love, it doesn’t mean they’re gone. They're just not here in a way you’d like them to be. It’s alright though. That’s what I’ve had to tell myself a lot lately. That it’s alright.
I turn my right blinker on to go into my driveway. I cruise past my house. Then I shut my blinker off. One more time around the block. I turn up the radio to max volume as “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi escapes the speakers. Twenty-six is still young even though it feels old. I know one day, I’ll be wishing to relive this day, even though I don’t think it’s the best one I’ve had. I grip Mercy’s steering wheel as I sing alongside Bon Jovi. Stumbling over the lyrics since I don’t know them too well. I won’t always have Mercy, so I better treasure her while I have her. Just like everything and everyone in my life. What you love fades when you don’t want it to, hold onto it while you can.
“I didn’t give ‘Have Mercy’ a chance because sometimes you just start to doubt yourself when you have collected a stack of emails that rejected pieces that you took pride in and wanted to put out into the world to teach people something. It makes you question if your lessons are worth teaching. That’s why I was hesitant in putting “Have Mercy” out there. It’s personal and my heart and soul is written in it. It hurts more when you take a huge risk and put yourself out there and then get rejected. You begin to think your own story isn’t worth telling.”
Stacia Laroche is an emerging writer. She uses her storytelling ability to be a voice for the LGBTQ community and shine a light on the struggles that are faced. She hopes that her writing can also educate people on the outside about how LGBTQ individuals are just like everyone else. Stacia wants to teach that everyone is going through a struggle and that we should all just go through it together and push aside the hate. Twitter handle: @classicsapphic.bsky.social