bargaining by Latifa Sekarini
i used to think i was good at loving / ask anyone who knows me / i’ve always wanted a lifetime license that tells me / the apple fell as far as it could from the tree / but no matter how many origami cranes i fold / their wings take me back to your nest / mother, i learned how to mother from you / it was your mind / that hurt me before your mouth / the dawn of my life / plundered by your hard-headed heart / your mouth taught mine how to carve out the end of the world / when other girls were wishing for wings / your fingers wrung the extraordinary / out the back of my throat / your tough hands / and a thousand gritted teeth / carried god’s america for me / so i let you reap what you’ve never sown / i drink up the divorce and make it my own / you are more than welcome / to draw blood from my veins / then you can forget how you built me a lifetime of firsts / your hands have always been first / to show me stories could build us a house / so i make promises i cannot keep / to be a daughter you can keep / the past you carry / make it mine / the past i bargain / make me mine
“The poem I'm submitting is titled ‘bargaining’ and it's been sitting in my Google docs after multiple rounds of edits. It was the first piece I wrote after another one of my poems won a big prize, and I scrapped this piece because I felt like I might never write anything prize-worthy ever again.”
Latifa Sekarini is an Indonesian poet and student based in Seoul, South Korea. When she's not writing, you'll find her snacking with friends, doing laundry, or giggling at Letterboxd reviews. Find her on Twitter @lesbianheroines or Carrd latifasekarini.carrd.co