A Million Vincents & C.diff by Christian Ward

A Million Vincents

Obsessed with Van Gogh's Sunflowers,

you started seeing him everywhere:

In a barista's ginger Tom beard. 

In a skater doing a kickflip

in the middle of the High Street,

with everyone's iPhones giving him

the evil eye. In a bus driver

giving you a nod firm like chilled butter.

Ex boyfriends, too: the Astronomy 

student with marmalade freckles, 

obsessed with Pearl Jam and MTV,

who ended up a barrister 

with an overgrown garden and three kids.

The palaeontologist turned writer

of hard-boiled detective novels,

who boasted he knew the names

of every dinosaur better than Ross

from Friends, and squawked like a T-Rex

doing the chicken dance after you

beat him in Monopoly. And who can forget

the one obsessed with drawing you,

the one with eyes brilliant like fireworks,

who said you were brighter than the lion-yellow

sunflowers, before going down on one knee

to try to propose? You said no,

so he reached into your chest and pulled out

your heart, treating your pain like performance art,

like a paint soaked brush to be cleaned,

put away, and never spoken of again. 

C.diff

The boy inside my gut

wants a more realistic sky.

Complains the sun

and moon are stuck on.

Failed ouroboros, failed ampersand,

you took the last of all I had 

from the tip of my tongue 

and left me with shades of grief.

How do the stars taste

when they are forced down?


“‘A Million Vincents’ was written earlier this year. I was inspired by the idea of seeing Vincent Van Gogh everywhere. I tried to get it published, but went nowhere and abandoned it. I'm not sure whether the problem was with the idea or the execution or the genre. Maybe I'll revisit the idea in fiction...or just leave it alone.

‘C.diff’ was based on my experience catching C.diff in hospital last year, during a stem cell transplant for lymphoma. It was supposed to be a surreal take on it, and I really tried to push it. No takers. I don't know whether it was too out there for people. Anyhow, it ended up abandoned and unloved.”

Christian Ward is a UK-based writer who has recently appeared in Rappahannock Review, South Florida Poetry Journal, The Dewdrop, Dodging the Rain, The Seventh Quarry, Dipity Literary Magazine, Indian Periodical, and Streetcake Magazine

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